So with the help of her best friend Debbie, Shirley plotted each point of the revenge. Debbie asked, "What kind of things would we do to Brenda to even up the odds?" Shirley replied, "We could blow up the tobacco warehouse, and force the Barnetts to where an insurance investigation is launched pointing the guilty finger towards them". Debbie sighed, "That warehouse is guarded by Doberman dogs. Getting past them is like trying to crush British forces in the Crimean War. Besides, certain people, like smokers will gladly put reward money to catch such persons responsible for it". Shirley observed Debbie's then, more or less, navel-length hair. Long, wavy, and at the time, parted on Debbie's left. Both Shirley and Debbie were in the FTA (Future Teachers of America) club while in high school, and even though Shirley kept her hair parted in the middle with hopes of growing it much longer someday, Debbie decided to wait until after graduation for parting her hair in the middle as well. Anyway, some of the other members of the club such as Patricia and Kelley were also fed up with the power and money of Brenda Barnett and family. So as of now, they had to use what they could under the most recent circumstances. For example, in the girls locker room they placed sneezing powder and itching powder mixed together in Brenda's makeup compact. Next they took some ground up Poison Ivy and mixed it in with Brenda's facial cold cream. So far such ideas were working thanks to the pigeon they got to do it for them, namely
Constance "Connie" Kane of the sophomore class that year whom was still on the Junior Varsity Squad at the time since she didn't have a high enough grade level on her report card to go from Junior Varsity to the regular Varsity Squad. Even for a first cousin to Brenda, Connie felt doing this would be a delight. When approached to do these things to her cousin for flaunting too much power and money around to get what she wanted instead of being a good sport about such things, Connie said, "You can count on me to do this. Besides, Brenda kept me from even so much as making a Varsity Alternate. Aside from which she also made me get rid of those long raven braids I was so fond of all these past few good years, but I told her if I ever re-grew my hair for the purpose of wearing long braids, well, she'd be sorry so much that she'd even regret the day she was born!" Knowing a back up would also be needed, Connie had convinced her best friend, and fellow sophomore student Gera Burke to help out as well. Gera was the co-captain of the Junior Varsity cheerleading squad, and because was bullied by Brenda to date Brenda's brother David who was in the freshman class of that year as well as to the point of wearing a chin-length style seen in Gera's student portrait from class picture week on page 64 of the 1969 Fleming Countian yearbook. On the last
Friday before class picture week, Connie had flaunted her braids before Brenda got her to go in for the look in her student portrait as seen on page 69 of the 1969 Fleming Countian yearbook.
Now the odds still weren't quite so even just yet. Afterall, even itching powder in Brenda's socks weren't enough. So they then went to spiking Brenda's perfumes with sneezing and itching powders both. Eventually, even though they were never caught red-handed, but most often suspected, they pulled off their revenge big time, which is why by graduation day for the class of 1969, Brenda was broken out from the ground up poison ivy mixed this time around with some ground up poison oak, and itching and sneezing powders alike in facial cold cream. So when she arrived at the graduation ceremonies in a turban, well, that was because somehow these girls had managed to spike Brenda's bottle of Halo brand shampoo with Nair, and her shoulder-length locks had fallen out the night before, and no one attending graduation was none the wiser. Shirley and Debbie both got scholarships for Elementary Education from the University of Minnesota at Duluth. As they watched the Midwest scenery flash by from the window of the dining car of the Great Northern's Empire Builder passenger train while enroute to Duluth, Shirley sighed, "I was lucky to graduate with my red hair touching my shoulders for now, and I'll have all summer to grow it to my navel just like yours, Deb". Debbie replied, "Now that I have my hair parted in the middle, well, I think I'll grow mine to either my knees, or ankles? What do you think, Shirley?" Chuckling aloud for fellow passengers to hear them, well, Shirley said, "You and me both, Deb Baby!" A most unusual dinner conversation, even for the dining car of a passenger train. Two years passed, and it was now the autumn of 1971. While lots of girls and assorted ladies and women alike throughout America, let alone other parts of the world were now into long hair for fashion's sake, well, Shirley and Debbie waited at the depot now in the hands of Amtrak as they waited for two dear friends from down in Fleming County to join them at college. Now Shirley's own red hair reached her hips,and Debbie's very own raven hair was thigh-length, and best of all they both had their hair parted in the middle. But more than just two friends stepped off of the train that day in early September of 1971. Gera stepped off the train first onto the platform inside the station, and said, "I see Minnesota hasn't changed you two one bit, except your hair has most certainly grown longer than when we last saw you!" Debbie chuckled, "Speak for yourself, girl! Because your very own brown hair is now to your waistline!" Debbie was quite, and most correct about that. With Connie's own raven hair now down to her thighs in two long braids, well, it was quite a sight to behold. Next to step down on the platform was Elaine Gulley. She was still wearing her glasses, and also her Beehive hairdo seen in her student portrait on page 67 of the 1969 Fleming Countian yearbook.
Elaine asked, "When can we get to the dorm so I can let
my really, really long raven hair hang down?" Shirley replied, "Our pickup
truck is in the parking lot. We'll get a valet for the bags". Carol Faulkner
was next, and he still had all of her long red hair intact. She was followed
by Cathy Dople. Then Jan Horton, and Debbie said, "You sure don't look
anything like you did in your sophomore year". Jan replied, "Well, I did
let it grow almost to my knees as you can see!" Next off of the train was
the blond beauty Charlotte Preston. She didn't have the chin-length bob
as seen in her student portrait from class picture week, but instead she
now had a remarkable French Twist copied from the one worn by Audrey Hepburn
in the only film she was to make opposite Cary Grant, namely "CHARADE".
Linda Reeves was next to step off, and say, "Well, the smell of Lake Superior
combined with iron ore and papermills is most unusual, but I can hardly
wait to get to the dorm". Although, Becky Cameron, Martha Emmons, Kim Harmon,
Linda Conn, and Marilyn Claypool kind of charged off all together at once,
Alice Zornes stepped off calmly like a decent young lady would. Shirley
asked, "Well, Alice, I see you never cut off your hair whatsoever". Alice
added, "Yes, I know. Suzanne sends her regards. She'll join us in about
another year or two at the most. She wound up on a scholarship to Morehead
State along with Wanda Kegley". Debbie asked, "Don't tell us, Suzanne is
wearing it short?" Alice replied, "No she's grown it quite long as well
as thick. Whereas, for Wanda, well, she's only gotten as far as the halfway
bra-strap-length and navel-length". Shirley sighed, "Maybe next year we'll be joined by the Tumey twins (Debbie & Diane), Valerie Savey, Kathy Reuter, Barbara Turner,
Patty Snyder, Janet Hinton, Jean Benton, Teresa Bradley, Loretta and Evelyn Conley, Joyce Gooding, Marsha Gray, Rita Marr, and Frances Wright. It'll be just like old times again". Debbie reminded, "Don't forget about our pal, Brenda Curtis". Once they got to the dorm, and then the new arrivals waited for their bedroom and roommate assignments, well, things did get kind of wacky.
For instance, when it was decided by the housing committee to place Alice in the same dorm room as Carla Porter from the class of 1970 as seen on page 58 of the 1969 Fleming Countian yearbook. Alice was amazed at how Carla's own brown hair had now grown so long. Carla said, "Welcome to U.M.D., girlie". Alice replied, "Thanks, and I just love how much your hair has grown so long, Carla". Carla answered, "Well, it's at my thighs, and still growing right now. Yet, your own hair is still so long, that I don't think you'll ever get it cut off by anyone, period!" Carla was quite right about Alice's hair, and she replied, "Well, now uh, Carla, I see that your dark brown hair is getting you a lot of attention from the guys up here, but have you picked out any peticular guy to settle down with in marriage?" Sighingly, Carla added, "Only if he's one of these clean-cut type gentlemen whom wants a wife with long hair that she'll never cut off whatsoever the outcome of their marriage". Another year passed by, and soon as Shirley foretold, the ones from the freshman class of 1969, now in the graduating class of 1972 would join them. Shirley and Debbie both had their associates' degrees by now and were one year away from bachelors' degrees, after which it was onto the masters' degrees, and maybe even PhD's. One day while enjoying lunch on campus in front of one of the dorms, Shirley and Debbie noticed their friend from Fleming County, namely Marcy Earlywine walking kind of awkwardly. She was packing a huge bundle of papers from her accounting class, and also an adding machine in its carrying case when Marcy then dropped to her knees, and fainted. Quickly, she was rushed to the hospital on campus, and they said Marcy was with child. Shirley added, "It looks like Oliver Wendell Addams strikes again!" By that name, well, Shirley meant Marcy's fiancee. Debbie replied, "We gotta find him, and get him to marry Marcy before the baby is born". Marcy came to from fainting, and asked, "What happened to me? How did I get here?" Shirley replied, "You fainted from carrying too many papers, and an adding machine. Besides, you need to rest for the sake of your unborn baby!" Debbie added, "Shirley's right. Even you should give your baby both a healthy and a beautiful mother. At least, let your baby see you with your long red hair, please". So Marcy had agreed, and took their advice.
While Shirley began hunting up Oliver Wendell Addams,
Debbie got all the other girls they'd attended high school with to prepare
for welcoming a new arrival. Amongst their friends was Patsy Eubanks who
said, "So Marcella is going to have the first child among us? Well, how
soon before Shirley can persuade that Addams gentleman to marry, Marcy?"
Karen Emmons added, "I hope Shirley twists his arm to where he has no choice
in the matter, because he's most likely the father of Marcy's baby". Word
of Miss Marcy's pregnancy spread from the Land of 10,000 Lakes to the Bluegrass
like a stampede of Corriente cattle. Even Shirley sent word to one good
friend, namely Connie Cox McKinney. She was down at Fort Bragg in North
Carolina with her husband Sgt.-Major Baxter McKinney of the U.S. Army 5TH
Special Forces Group of the Green Berets when word arrived to the McKinney
residence on base. Shirley finally caught up to Oliver Wendell Addams at
the home of his cousin Gomez Addams in Grand Rapids, Minnesota. When Shirley
attempted to ring the doorbell, it dropped to the porch, and then suddenly
lifted itself back up to the door frame, and then there was a foghorn sound.
Slowly the door opened, and a tall man stood there asking, "Yes?" Shirley
asked, "Are the heads of the household home?" The man replied, "Follow
me". Shirley followed the towering gentleman through the foyer, and into
the living room. There Shirley noticed most unusual furnishings. A moose
head with one antler up, and one antler down. Also, a head of a giant swordfish
with a human leg in its mouth. Shirley gasped, "I knew he mentioned having
an eccentric family, but this is far out!" A casual looking man in a business
suit came in, and asked, "How may we help you, young lady?" Shirley went
speechless. The man added, "I'M Gomez Addams, and this is my wife, Morticia".
Morticia replied, "How do you do?" Shirley gulped, "Uh, I came on behalf
of a friend named Marcella. I have to find Oliver".
Morticia asked, "How come Marcella never came herself?"
Shirley replied, "She's resting on doctor's orders because
she's carrying Oliver's child!" Morticia sighed, "Oh dear, Gomez. What
can we do to help?" Gomez replied, "Oliver's up in his room. I'll have
Lurch fetch him down now".
So grabbing hold of a hangman's noose, and pulling hard, Gomez sounded off an ancient Oriental gong that shook the whole house. Then the towering butler walked in asking, "You rang?" Gomez said, "Lurch, fetch Cousin Ollie down now. I want to have a talk with him". Lurch replied, "Yes, Mr. Addams". Up to the guest room went Lurch, and down he fetched Oliver complaining, "Gomez! What the idea? And what's Shirley doing here?" Morticia added, "Gomez, you'd better give the good news to Oliver". Oliver asked, "What news?" Shirley screamed, "You're going to be a father! Marcy's right now carrying your baby!" Lurch groaned, "Ohhhh!" Gomez sighed, "Well, Ollie. What do you think?"
Oliver was now speechless himself. Morticia recommended,
"I think we should arrange for a nice wedding for the happy couple. Now
let's see. Who can we invite?" Oliver gasped, "OK, I'll do the honorable
thing and marry, Marcy! Please, just send the doctor's bills to Gomez for
Shirley added, "OK, fair enough. What do you say, Mr. & Mrs. Addams?" Gomez said, "I'll have Lurch bring the car around front. We'll follow your pickup truck back to Duluth, Shirley. Besides, Morticia may want to give Marcella some special advice". Morticia sighed, "Oh, yes! I really need to supply her with my recipe for Henbane Sauce". Once again, Gomez rang the gong, and they were off. Soon when Oliver was again with Marcy, it was quite interesting. As the Fleming County girls were now getting to know the Addams Family better, Morticia began work on the guest list for the wedding. Saying to herself, "Let's see now. Oh, yes! The Braddocks (Ben & Elaine), The Arons (Pete & Pat), The Barlinis (Nino & Lisa), The Munsters (Herman & Lily), The Solos (Napoleon & April), The Hilliards, The Harveys, and Jackie and Aristotle, naturally!" This proved that the Addams family had a secret ancestral link to the Kennedys. Gomez replied, "Well, I gotta talk with Onassis about that oil merger going on to open those fields in the Caspian. I gotta move fast, or Abigail and the rest of the one 'D' Adams' from Boston try to block it just like they tried with my dealings with the sheiks in Saudi Arabia". Meanwhile at the residence of Henry and Agnes Courtney in Grand Rapids,
Mrs. Courtney was reading the newspaper, and said, "Henry,
look at this! There's a wedding going on in the Addams family?" Mr. Courtney
chuckled, "Hooray for them! At least, they're against the ideas of birth
control, and don't give a dang about overpopulation!" So with the wedding
set for Saturday February 17TH, 1973, with the reception to take place
in the Addams mansion, well, the whole plan was in full swing. Soon with
both Oliver Wendell Addams being married to Marcella Earlywine, the reception
was swinging really groovy. Marcella had to wear an extra wide white skirt
with a long sleeved white blouse to match, and Oliver's bestman, Morticia's
favorite Parental Uncle, namely Fester Frump gave the first speech, "Well,
I've not exactly had any opportunities to be the bestman for a wedding
up until now. However, this wedding is not like most. For example, aside
from the usuals such as both the bride and groom, well, we got a lot of
wonderful guests here with us tonight! Yet, let start with a speech from
the hosts of this affair beginning with the groom Oliver Wendell Addams!"
Guests clapped wildly as Oliver (in getting ready to make his speech looked
like he was about to address a Grand Jury) saying, "Honored guests. Beloved
family. Loyal friends. When I first met Marcella,..." Then as the rest
of the speeches had come and went, Marcy was ready to throw her bouquet,
and when she did, Jennie Thompson caught the bouquet, and Cousin Fremont
Addams wound up catching the garter. Jennie sighed, "Oh, Monte! I knew
we'd be the lucky ones!" Fremont said, "Well, dearest Genevieve. I guess
we can go ahead with plans for our wedding one month from today!"
Gomez chuckled, "A St. Patrick's Day wedding! Well, praise the good Lord, and pass the formaldehyde! You can count on this mansion for your reception, too!" Even when Brenda Barnett tried sneaking into the reception, she was caught by Lurch, who walked in saying, "A prowler". Gomez added, "Good work, Lurch. Let's have a look at the scoundrel!"
Taking one good look, Shirley yelled, "So Miss Gotrocks
decided to attempt sabotaging this wedding reception?"
Before Brenda utter a word, Uncle Fester said, "OK, Miss! We know what to do with trespassers! Now would you make a choice in weapons and burial plot, or do you want it in the back?" Brenda squeaked, "Please, just hand me over to pigs". Morticia asked, "What pigs?" Brenda whined, "The police". Gomez added, "Lurch, take her over to the Sheriff's Precinct station down by the railroad yard. I'll file my complaint later". Lurch replied, "Yes, Mr. Addams". Thus, with Brenda out of the way, the reception lasted on into the witching hour of midnight.